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Janey had another rough night last night. The dreams
are coming more frequently now - about two a week. The man always
looks the same: about forty, with a middle-age ring of grey-brown
hair encircling an otherwise bald head. He wears a light cream-coloured
summer jacket, zipped up to the neck, and a pair of black leather
driving gloves. When Janey arrives he is kneeling over the girl.
For the last
month she has been the same: a strikingly beautiful redhead, her
fiery ringlets offset against delicate ivory skin. Originally, she
was an African woman, voluptuous and beautiful, and then a pretty
diminutive blonde, wearing a school uniform.
Janey always
arrives on the scene as the man raises the hammer above his head.
His back is to her, but he knows that she is there as he nonchalantly
brings the hammer down on the girl’s skull; then he pauses,
before slowly turning round. He looks straight at Janey, a flicker
of sorrow quickly disappearing to be replaced by a creeping grin.
That’s when she starts screaming.
I never hear
the scream. I only wake as Paula instinctively leaps out of bed
to run to her daughter . She doesn’t really sleep any more,
just inhabits a fragile area between waking and unconsciousness,
waiting for Janey’s cry.
At the breakfast
table Matthew is the only person speaking. He can’t understand
why Janey never remembers the man’s face; she always sees
him, when he turns around, his coat spattered with the girl’s
blood. Janey says that he stares at her for seconds; his eyes are
sad, but his mouth is smiling. She doesn’t need to run; he
poses no physical threat to her, but something in his face appals
her, makes her scream herself awake, and then he’s lost forever,
until the next time.
Matthew chatters
on while Janey stares quietly at her breakfast. Paula and I occasionally
give the boy a half-hearted warning to leave his sister alone; but
the truth is that we are as intrigued as he is. We’re all
tired of this, and we feel guilty that we’re tired of it.
She’s our daughter, but she’s becoming a stranger to
us.
Paula and I
have been arguing a lot; she seems to resent me being around the
house. As for our sex life: it was already a rare occasion before
all of this started, but now it’s dead in the water. But it’s
Matthew who has suffered the most. We’ve been neglecting him,
tied up in our own troubles and Janey’s condition.
The doctor says
that it is all linked to puberty, and has perhaps been exacerbated
by the murders of the local women. He says that the violation of
these young women, represents, to Janey, the changes that are going
on in her own body. Psychobabble.
Matthew finally
gets bored and walks sulkily into the living room. He is not allowed
to talk about the bedwetting that always accompanies the dreams
- none of us are. An explosion of voices shatters the silence, as
he switches on the television.
The dreams and
the bedwetting had already turned our once exuberant daughter into
an introverted waif, capable of little more than monosyllabic mumbles
when forced to communicate; but since her dreams seemingly became
prophetic, first with the death of the West Indian stripper and
then the killing, last month, of one of the girls at Janey’s
own school, she has become totally withdrawn.
Paula and I
have tried to convince Janey that it’s just a coincidence
- the resemblance of the victims to the girls in her dreams - but
she has become afraid of sleep now. There is genuine panic in her
eyes when tiredness takes her over and she realises that she must
surrender herself to her bed. She imagines that she is causing the
deaths.
She has dropped
all of her old friends, or they have written her off; and Miranda
has taken over.
Miranda is a
thirteen year old anti-Christ; a follower of the Marilyn Manson
school of taste and fashion. She swans around in black velvet dresses
that smell of mothballs; the only visible flesh is a pair of ghostly
hands, sporting black nail polish. Miranda is a wannabe weirdo,
but my daughter, with her mousy brown hair, metal-rimmed spectacles
and sensible jumpers, is the real deal; and Miranda has attached
herself to Janey, like a limpet, determined to drain some of that
weirdness (which people like Miranda call “mystique”)
off for herself. I don’t like the girl, don’t want her
in my house; and this has caused further arguments with Paula; she’s
says that Janey needs a friend, and that if we ban the daughter
of Satan we’ll push our own daughter further away.
Matthew is calling
gleefully from the living room, and Janey is out of her chair like
a shot. When Paula and I arrive at the television the children are
both staring at the screen, Matthew’s face beaming with excitement,
whilst his sister hovers beside him like a ghost.
I am not surprised
to see the photograph of the redhead. She was a twenty-two year
old nurse. They fished her out of the canal last night - she’d
been dead for about two days, and was so badly mutilated that they
had to rely on her dental records to identify her.
Janey and I
exchange a brief look before she runs sobbing from the room.
“Maybe
her dreams do mean something,” I say.
“Don’t
be ridiculous, David,” Paula snaps and leaves the room.
I hear her footsteps
on the stairs and then her muffled voice above us trying to calm
Janey.
“Dad,”
Matthew’s voice is small, trembling. “You don’t
think Janey killed those women do you?”
I look into
the boy’s frightened face. “No, Matty, of course not.”
We let the children
stay off school, and mid-afternoon Miranda arrives. Paula welcomes
the girl at the front door with an enthusiasm that she hasn’t
shown towards me for years.
“Shouldn’t
you be in school?” I say as the smell of mothballs sweeps
across the kitchen, but the witch ignores me and carries on her
way up to Janey’s room.
Paula’s
eyes cut into me like steel.
“At least
Miranda is there for Janey,” she says, and storms out of the
kitchen before I can reply.
The newspaper
is spread open on the table. There aren’t many career opportunities
for a forty-three-year-old man who finds himself unceremoniously
dumped after twenty-six years loyal service to the same firm. Loyalty
is a one-way street, it seems. Even the girl who pursued me like
a bloodhound through school, when I could have had any woman I wanted
- the girl who thought the sun rose in my eyes - can now hardly
bear to look me in the face.
I have circled
two of the least degrading so-called jobs: one for a warehouse assistant,
another for a night time security guard. I won’t call either
of them, I never do.
I close the
newspaper and the girl’s face is staring up at me again. It’s
the same photo from the television news - an image of her taken
on holiday: frozen in time. The background is sandy, warm and golden
in contrast to her pale snow-white skin; maybe she is in Greece.
There is a disembodied male hand on her shoulder, the rest of him
cut out of the photograph; a bit part actor in this girl’s
tragedy. The principal player, when he is caught, shall merit more
attention.
I feel a wave
of loneliness and go upstairs to see Matthew. His bedroom is at
the end of the landing, and as I pass Janey’s door I hear
them, whispering in what sounds like tongues. I knock softly on
the door.
“Go away.”
This is Miranda.
Suddenly filled
with extreme hatred for this girl, I push the door open roughly
and walk into the room.
“Get out,
Matt…” Miranda’s voice trails off as both girls
turn to face me.
They are sat
either side of the Ouija board.
“Dad!”
Janey’s voice is impetuous and embarrassed, almost normal.
For moment I think that I am a normal father having a normal run
in with his normal daughter. But what they are doing is not normal.
“How dare
you bring that thing into my house,” I say to Miranda.
“We were
just trying to contact the souls of the dead women,” she replies,
as if this explanation is in some way acceptable.
“We spoke
to her - the last one - she knew him, she knew him,” she continues.
All normality
seems to be spinning out of control.
“Out,”
is the only word that I can manage.
The girl’s
whitewashed face becomes flushed and tears glisten on her eyes,
threatening to spring forth. So she is human, after all.
It is only then
that I notice Janey. Her grey eyes, so like Paula’s, staring
at me with disgust.
Miranda leaps
to her feet and runs from the room. Janey rises and slowly follows
her friend out, her eyes biting accusingly into me the whole time.
My legs give
way as habitual black dots appear in front of my eyes. I lower myself
onto the bed, and put my head between my knees.
I’m still
there when Matthew appears at the bedroom door.
“Dad?”
“It’s
okay, Matthew.”
“Are you
angry?”
“Not with
you.”
“With
Janey?”
“No.”
But I am angry
with her, angry with Paula, angry with that little slut and her
Ouija board; angry with them all for making me feel worthless in
my own home.
“Do you
need one of your pills, Dad?”
The boy’s
love is unwavering. I must devote more time to him; when all of
this is over, perhaps.
“No, I’m
all right now, Matty. Where’s your mother.”
“She went
out to find Janey.”
I suddenly feel
very old.
“Why don’t
you go and watch some telly downstairs? I’ll be down in a
while.”
I watch his
soft, frightened eyes disappear slowly behind the doorframe, and
then listen to his quiet footsteps as he pads down the stairs.
I stay in Janey’s
room, sitting on her bed. The glass from the Ouija board is settled
on the letter D. My eyes are fixed on it as the light slowly disappears
and the room becomes swamped in the greyness of evening.
The sound of
the front door slamming shakes me from my reverie, and I slowly
ease myself off the bed and make my way downstairs.
When I arrive
Paula is slamming cupboards in the kitchen. She does not look at
me as I enter.
“You could
have at least fixed Matthew’s tea,” she says.
“Is Janey
with you?”
“No, David.
I don’t know where our daughter is.”
“Maybe
I’ll go and have a look for her. Apologise.”
She does not
reply, and I make my way upstairs.
In the bathroom
mirror I touch up my hair with the clippers. I keep it shorn now,
to camouflage the bald areas. A couple of days’ worth of growth
has made me look tired and old; I shave it off. The visage underneath
is a young forty-three, I think. I have the bearing of a man much
younger than myself. I take a blood pressure tablet from each of
the four colour-coded bottles, and make my way into the bedroom
where I slip into a pair of 501s, an old Cure t-shirt, and white
Donnay trainers.
I make my way
downstairs and take my jean jacket out of the coat cupboard.
“See you
later.” But there is no reply.
I wait by the
open front door for a while before quietly stepping out into the
cool April night. I don’t look for Janey, but make my way
down to The Nag’s Head; the one place where people are ever
happy to see me. Even this modest pleasure is offensive to Paula
nowadays, despite my newly acquired ability to make a few drinks
last a whole evening.
The warm air
steams up my glasses as I walk into the main bar. Victor, the landlord,
walks over.
“What’ll
it be, David, Guinness?”
I smile painfully
at my own predictability and perch myself on a stool at the end
of the bar. It is Thursday night; I always come here on Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Sundays. When my drink arrives I move from the stool
to one at the other end of the bar, and then I think better of it
and move into the snug. I don’t recognise anybody in here,
and then I remember that it’s where the students hang out.
I move back into the main bar and sit back on my stool.
I down the Guinness
within a quarter hour and Victor looks at me with mock horror and
takes my glass.
“Another?”
he asks with his hand already on the pump.
“No, thanks.”
I leap from the stool. “I’ve got somewhere I need to
be.”
I make my way
out. I’ll search for Janey a while, and then maybe I’ll
find a new pub.
Across the street,
her figure barely visible amongst the shadows, I see Miranda. But
the hair is slightly too short, the shoulders hunched against the
wind, rather than upright in their usual state of defiance.
My disappointment
is hanging over me like a black cloud before I’ve had time
to register it. She’ll do. I cling to the hope that it’s
her; the wicked little bitch might have cut her hair - you never
know.
My hand instinctively
moves to an inside pocket that doesn’t exist. I have not come
prepared. I look down at my jeans and trainers; the clothes are
all wrong - everything is wrong. But that’s what being spontaneous
is all about, boyo.
I look up and
she’s disappeared. I run across the street and duck down the
next alley, but I still can’t see her; she must have come
this way. Panic is rising in my chest; I blink the black dots away,
and start to jog along the alley. I can see my breath in front of
me; hear my own blood in my ears. Then she’s there, still
dragging her feet along the pavement; how did she get so far so
quickly? My toe hits something and I bend to pick it up. Half a
house brick. I cram it into a side pocket of the jean jacket and
continue after the girl, never taking my eyes off her now.
We come out
of the alley and onto a main road, so I have to drop back a little,
but soon she turns into another quieter road. We’re heading
dangerously close to our house. Maybe it is Miranda; on her way
over to apologise to her best friend’s father for being disrespectful.
It doesn’t matter; I have to act now or I’ll find myself
on my own doorstep. I pray that this girl knows about the short
cut at the back of the houses. She does. We move into the back alley
and I make my move.
The first blow
is merely to stun; I need them to be conscious, aware of what’s
happening. With the hammer it takes merely a flick of the wrist,
but now I totally misjudge it. The brick glances off the back of
her head, and she stumbles forward into the wall, but she is still
standing. I am stunned for a millisecond expecting her to scream,
but she doesn’t. She just rubs the back of her head confusedly,
staggering like a drunk, her back still to me. I raise the brick
high above my head; I need to use more force, but how much? More
than all the others I want this one to know her fate.
I’m still
holding the brick above my head, when she turns around, and I see
her face illuminated. Fresh dye stains the edges of her forehead,
and black eyeliner and lipstick, painted over a white mask, make
her look ghoulish under the orange cast of the streetlamp. But there
is no mistaking those grey eyes, so full of disgust and disappointment;
and now satiated with the smugness of vindication. I try to blink
the black dots away, but she does not move - just keeps staring.
Her trembling lip is curled in a half smile. I can hear the blood
racing inside of me; my hands are sweating and my mouth is dry.
She has become
a stranger.
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