Issue # 16 - December 2005

INT. SOMEWHERE IN THE DARK RECESSES OF THE INTERNET

RUSS and DOUG enter. The place is packed with the readers of Crime Scene Scotland, looking around, trying to find evidence of any updates. Both the editors look rather ashamed, although they carry with them lots and lots of data in dark, leather cases.

RUSS

Do you think they noticed

DOUG

Of course they fucking noticed! Man, we're over a month late.

RUSS

Do you think they'll want an excuse?

DOUG

Excuses, man, what are they worth? Sod all, that's what they're worth. Anyway, this lot don't want any excuses. They're gonna rip us apart if we don't give em something new, right now.

RUSS

Sure, okay. Did you bring the gear?

DOUG

(Tapping the briefacse knowingly)

Got the shit right here.

RUSS

So tell me.

DOUG

I brought along some real good fiction this month. And loads of it to boot. I mean, we got Ed Lynskey right here with The Rebel Yell.

RUSS

That means his cheque cleared, right? He paid us the cash?

DOUG

Paid in full. Along with Stephen D Rogers who gave us some short called Sea Watchers, Kim Harrington who's apparently been watching some chick called Joolie. And finally I also got words by some dude called Nathan Hammlet.

RUSS

Like the cigar?

DOUG

More like the crown prince of Denmark, but sure, like the Cigar. Except spelt different. So what about you? You got what you promised?

RUSS

Almost. We got some stuff on Ian Rankin by James Clar. And I've got a shitload of reviews, too. Cool books like Speak of the Devil and Night Laws. Also had to review a book by some newbie writer I've never heard of called Stephen King.

DOUG

Stephen who?

RUSS

Sure, that's what I said. Anyway, I've also been talking to some dude named Jim Michael Hansen... and I got that poll organised.

DOUG

Seriously?

RUSS

Seriously. But people have gotta take part for it to work.

DOUG

Maybe they will just to make sure we print the results in the next issue.

RUSS

Sure. Uh, Doug, I think people are beginning to notice we're here... You think we should upload this data? These guys look mean.

DOUG

Sure, man. But if we run they're gonna be able to recognise you. Bad move putting up your picture. You may laugh at the bag but its fuckin' great for being annonymous.

As the ravening hordes begin to surround them, Russ and Doug toss out the new issue like meat to dogs. They just gotta hope people are gonna forgive em for being so late and hope that the new extra large issue might just make up for it.

FADE OUT

Russel

and

Doug

December 2005.