How many times have you picked up a book that you couldn't put down, and then spent all night into the wee small hours with it? Well, if you knew the author, would you want to stay up all night into the wee small hours with him too? No, you wouldn't! Unless that author was Joe Konrath!

I spent not one, but four, days in the life of Joe Konrath at this year's LOVE IS MURDER conference in Chicago. I met him at breakfast that first morning and his wit and satire often made eating impossible. I love satire, something that's almost bred in the bone here in Ireland and Scotland. Not so in the U.S.A. Slapstick rules the roost there. With some notable exceptions: Robin Williams and George Carlin, to name just two. And now I've added the name of Joe Konrath. Oh, he's good at slapstick too. I found that out later in the many roles he played at the conference: facilitator, host, MC, interviewer, raconteur, and of course late night drinker! Yeah, Joe, your secret's out of the closet!

When I left Chicago in February, I brought with me the copy of WHISKEY SOUR that JA gave me. It was the first book that I read when I got home and I'll quote here some of what I said about it in my review: " If you have a strong stomach for graphic murders, a soft spot for a star-crossed heroine like Jacqueline “Jack” Daniels, a thirst for the well written crime thriller, an affinity for great characters bruised by life, an appreciation for sharp and funny dialogue, then rush out and buy WHISKEY SOUR! Joe Konrath has raised the bar. Other writers will have to jump higher to compete with him."

Interviewing Joe about writing is kind of unnecessary. All one needs to do is go to www.jakonrath.com to find hundreds of pages of advice on writing and encouragement to those of us who aspire to get published. Joe is generous with his time. Reading many of his answers to questions on the Forum at BACKSPACE ( www.bksp.org ), Joe’s common sense and sage advice shine through.

So, for this interview I wanted to get an insight into JA, into his writing, into his 'angels and demons'. Into his good days and his bad days.

So let's begin!

PM: Your good days. Tell me about them.

JA: They’re all good. Are you kidding? I’m the luckiest guy on earth. I get to do what I love---writing---for a living.

A typical good day would be getting up at six AM, having sex with the wife, writing until noon, having lunch with my family, answering e-mail until three, going off to a signing and meeting fans, then going out drinking with aforementioned fans.

Since the first book came out, a lot of folks buy me Whiskey Sours. Had I been smarter, I would have named the novel “Lobster Thermador” or “Filet Mignon.”

PM: Your bad days. Tell me about them.

JA: I don’t have bad days. I have ‘so-so’ days, usually when I’m behind on things. Like updating my website. Or drinking. Hate to get behind on that.

I think my next book will be called “Twelve Step Program.”

PM: What's a writing day like for you? Are you a morning person, an evening person, an all day person, do you write when inspiration strikes or do you 'nail your butt to the chair' no matter what, do you skip days/weeks when you don't write at all? Talk to us about it.

JA: Don’t tell my publisher, but I’m very fast. They think I labor for a year to write a book, anguishing over every word.

In reality, 80k words take me about a month. A short story never takes longer than a few days.

I can write anytime, anywhere. If I waited for inspiration, I’d still be a waiter, which I did for 12 years.

By the way, do you need anything? Some coffee or water? The dessert menu?

PM: We all know there are many ways to write a novel. Some start with a character and one scene and go from there. Others plot the entire work in a detailed outline, charting each and every setpiece before they begin. How do you write?

JA: Normally I don’t plan or plot anything. It just happens. But my editor insists I give her an outline a year in advance, which is a pain in the ass (that’s Yank-speak for arse.)

But they pay me well, so I outline. It doesn’t restrict my creativity, but it does make me think more about the novel than I otherwise would have.

How about you?

PM: OK, since you asked.

My first novel, THE CIRCLE OF SODOM, was triggered by a bizarre incident that happened to me in the US Army.

Much later I worked in programming and systems in New York with some of the most eccentric types on the planet. We always imagined that one of them moonlighted as an assassin. So, strictly for fun, I wrote a setpiece about him carrying out an assassination. That became the chemistry that created my second novel, BLOOD RED SQUARE (due out later this year).

I'm working on a third called TRIBUNAL (set in Ireland and practically fuelled by the daily newspaper headlines) and a chunk of it will appear in DUBLIN NOIR, due out from Akashic Books next March.

I write mostly in the morning. When I'm deep into a novel, 40 to 50 thousand words, then I sometimes write all day and find it difficult to stop. But I write in my head all the time.

JA: I’m the same way with sex.

I have sex in my head all the time...

PM: What do you think of the entire business of publishing, from agents, to editors, to large publishers, to small presses?

JA: The key word is “business.” Like all businesses, some make profits, some don’t. Some have great employees, some don’t.

If you work with dedicated, creative, enthusiastic people, publishing is a joy, no matter how big or small the house is.

I’ve been lucky in that my agent and the many editors I’ve worked with have been 100% professional, and very helpful to my career.

Other writers haven’t had that experience. But I think you get out what you put in.

I also think that there should be more nudity on television. I mean, come on, we’re all born naked. What’s the hang up?

But only cute people. Ugly people still have to stay clothed.

PM: You teach writing? Tell me about that. Do you get as much satisfaction from that as you do from writing itself?

JA: I love hanging out with newbie writers. The only difference between me and many of my students is that I perhaps know a little more about publishing, and I got lucky landing a contract.

It’s very satisfying. Especially since they pay me. If I wasn’t getting paid, I’d tell the newbies to piss off.

PM: Your own writing style: you have your own unique voice. I can see you in your work. But did your style come naturally to you. Or, is it something you worked hard at to develop?

JA: Thanks! Actually, I just picked up Adobe Unique Voice 2.1, which is a wonderful program that helps you develop your voice by imitating other, better writers.

I see you’ve picked up the program for yourself, and chose “Ken Bruen meets David Baldacci.”

I picked “Dave Barry meets John Sandford.”

Pity the poor bastard who chooses “JK Rowling meets Will Self.”

PM: Let's talk about Lt. Jack Daniels. How long do you see this series continuing? Are you working on anything else – besides short stories and other shorts?

JA: I love the Jack Daniels series, and can see myself writing it for many years after I’m dead.

But it’s always good to have a few irons in the fire, which is why I’m developing a new series in which the hero is invisible. He dies in the first book, and no one knows it until book number six.

I’m also writing a book about chickens. It’s called “Big Cocks and Little Peckers.”

(That last joke is from Whiskey Sour, which is a good indication of my maturity level.)

PM: Enough about writing. Tell me something about Joe Konrath. Your passions. Your anger. Your convictions. Something I won't find on your website. Something I'd only learn after a night of hard drinking. Nothing libelous, please!

JA: I’m an atheist, and I hope that God forgives me for that.

I brew my own beer, from grain.

I just bought a Golden Retriever puppy, and named her Jack Daniels. She’s a real bitch.

I like to get into heated online arguments about Rationalism and Empiricism (I’m on Hume’s side).

My wife thinks we make love once a week, but it’s actually three times a week (she’s a very sound sleeper).

I’ve never been to Europe, but hope to visit soon. My books haven’t sold there yet. Help me out, eh guys?

If I get one more restraining order I’m gonna f*cking kill someone, I swear.

I love single-malts. Dalwhinnie is my favorite 15 year old, but I really love the Balvenie 21 year old.

I spend 20% of my professional career writing, and 80% on self-promotion.

I had a pair of Velcro underwear, but they got ripped off.

I like to fish. Freshwater, usually bass and pike.

I'm vehemently opposed to self-defense.

PM: And, finally, the impossible question. But I must ask it. Why do you write?

JA: You mean I have a choice?